Merriam-Webster defines intentions as the thing that you plan to do or achieve : an aim or purpose. I have plans and purposes that I find unfulfilled. “The road to hell is paved with good intentions” I have heard. My yoga teacher encourages the class to set an intention for the day. To be loving, to be kind, something that is important to us. Of course I will be loving and kind the best I can. That does not seem so difficult. I did not see how this intention changed my life or allowed me to fulfill my plan or my purpose. One day the meaning of intention was powerfully revealed to me. Today I have a new understanding.
My story of intention began early one spring morning as my husband and I were preparing for his mother’s funeral. We were hosting a gathering after the funeral. I love hosting events in my home. Creating perfection. The perfect setting, the perfect food, the perfect hostess. At the end of the event, I review how I have missed the mark. There is nothing that anyone can say that will convince me otherwise.
My questions on this morning, is the house clean enough, will we run out of food (a mortal sin in my family), will anyone notice that the lawn is not freshly mown, and so the list goes. Fortunately, something shifted within me that morning. Maybe it was the loving kindness intentions set in yoga class. I realized that I did not want the craziness of trying to achieve perfection one more time. I hoped this day could be different. I was ready to change. I wanted to be present to my husband, to our family and friends. I heard myself say out loud, “My intention for the day is to create safe space for people to gather and grieve and celebrate the life of a special woman”. I had no idea how this intention would be realized in my day. Each time I had a struggle or question, I set it against my intention. If it supported the intention, I did it. If it did not matter to the intention, I let it go the best that I could. I had to define what I thought was safe. Having enough toilet paper on hand seemed to support safe space. Debating what color shoes (and trust me, there was a debate) that I wore did not.
Who knew? It was a miraculous discovery for me. I often allow perfectionism to stop me from fulfilling my hopes and dreams and intentions. This day, I decided that my intention was more important than perfectionism. It was new behavior to set everything that I did against an intention to create a safe space.
This day I realized that an intention is an amazing thing. I don’t believe intentions pave the road to hell. But perfectionism always feels like hell. Intentions are paving my way to change. By setting an intention, I can break through the things that are unsupportive and fearful. Less focus on what I don't know, don’t have, can’t do. I intend to use everything I do know, everything I do have, everything I can do. I intend to use every gift that has been given to me to fulfill my plan and purpose. Wow, living the perfectly imperfect life.